


routine

by ohoholyshit (stepaknee)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Criminal Minds Inspired, Criminologist Kuroo Tetsurou, Hacker Tsukishima Kei, Investigator Bokuto Koutarou, M/M, Pathologist Akaashi Keiji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-10-14 17:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10540971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stepaknee/pseuds/ohoholyshit
Summary: Kuroo was used to his quasi-flirtatious jokes falling flat on co-workers that then insisted he act more proper with them. So sue him, he figured taking down murders with people was enough to warrant being less formal. He'd respect their wishes even if it did make the office feel rather stuffy.He was not at all used to extremely tall blonds who are willing go along with his games with snark and sarcasm at the ready.He gets used to it pretty quick though.( otherwise known as the criminal minds au only i asked for or wanted )





	1. unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> I have none of this fleshed out as far as overarching plot or who else will show up and/or be on the investigation team but I've been sitting on this au for a while and I just said screw it and wrote until I was somewhat happy with it. It's now getting late and I should have been in bed for my classes in the morning like an hour ago. whoops. 
> 
> clearly, this is based on the relationship between penelope garcia and derek morgan but i'm tweaking to make it fit them more and also it's gonna be more eventual romance instead of just quirky coworkers.

It was always like this.

“Well, someone got out on the wrong side of bed this morning, didn’t they _babe_?” His tone was always teasing, sounding as if he was moments away from laughing at his own joke. But the fondness included was undeniable, intertwined in his every word as if every movement of his lips released an aura that whispered how much he cared about the man on the other side of that line.

“Only because you weren’t there to tuck me in _darling_.”   **His** tone was borderline bored, as per the norm, sarcasm and snark punctuating every sentence in a way that he could only pretend would disguise the unconscious upturn of his lips from every phone call or visit. When asked, he would claim he only continued the joke so he wouldn’t lose this game they had going, but no one felt the need to ask when they knew just how fond of the agent he actually was.

Kuroo’s genuine laughter could be heart over Tsukishima’s speakers, not yet entering the hyena territory he was known to venture into, his voice still deep and pleasant instead of the ridiculously high pitched howling the hacker had the honor to listen to yesterday.

“Well, guess I’ll have to just stop working overtime, can’t have my _beautiful spouse_ home alone all the time.” Kuroo sounded like he was purring, his joke overused and tiring, but for some reason that must be caused by supernatural forces, still welcome. Tsukishima allowed his lips to quirk up further, pretending as best he could like he was exasperated. “I need you to check up on something for me: male, likely mid to late twenties, history of drug abuse, look for a bad family history like reported abuse or tragic deaths.”

The snort he made was louder than intended, and he could hear Kuroo’s muffled chuckle from over the phone. Tsukishima always acted as if every single task was too small for his level of skill, even if it was something that would take him hours ( _‘Can’t let people see you **do** work hard, can you?’_ Kuroo had once commented). “Well, considering where you are right now, that’s going to be a very long list. I’ll sent the ones that can’t be immediately ruled out. Anything else?”

“No, that list and your lovely voice is more than enough for me. Thanks Tsukki.” Tsukishima could practically hear the grin on the others mouth with that comment. He felt like ordinarily, with anyone else, he’d respond to that comment with a brutal shut down.

But he supposed things had stopped being ordinary a while ago.

“Give me something more difficult next time, I’m getting bored over here.”

 _Ah_ , and there was the hyena laugh that he still couldn’t believe belonged to someone who could manage to intimidate murders with one look.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo Tetsurou and Tsukishima Kei were not married. In fact, they weren’t even dating or bordering on a relationship. No not-so-secret one night stands that caused office drama.

It was simply something they’d picked up and never stopped, something everyone in the office and on their team knew about and tolerated on a daily basis.

Kuroo hadn’t been there when Tsukishima was brought in, but he _was_ there the first day he began to work for them instead of for some rogue civilian group that hacked databases of unethical businesses.

Kuroo was a friendly flirt by nature, and sometimes he got just a tad bit ahead of himself. He made a point to never make people uncomfortable, but he was known to be a bit unprofessional on accident from time to time around coworkers he cared for.

One of the few exceptions in his attempts at keeping his professional appearance came in the form of a tall blonde who somehow managed to fit right in with a team of government agents from day one. ( _It’s always the blondes, isn’t it?_ )

He’d walked into the office, exhausted and half-dead from getting up before dawn when he’d only just barely shut his eyes, and loudly proclaimed his entrance with ‘Honey, I’m home!’

He really hadn’t expected to be met with a stranger grumbling, just loud enough for the whole office to hear, ‘Late again. This is why I’m the only one ever taking care of the kids’. The newcomer’s eyes had widened slightly as if the sarcastic comment had slipped out on pure accident and he was terrified he’d made a huge mistake.

Luckily enough for the tall bespectacled blonde, Kuroo wasn’t much for the whole overly polite workplace deal and he frankly found the push back to be _delightful_. He couldn’t stop himself from a laugh that was dangerously bordering on a giggle, setting his coffee down before it was spilt so he could prop himself up on a nearby desk.

He eventually reigned in his laughter by some miracle, straightening up from where he was hunched over the closest flat and stable surface he had found during his surprise laughing fit. Kuroo’s smirk was sharp as always, but the illusion of a suave man was lost with how much it looked close to a grin, considering how utterly bright with joy his eyes were as he held out his hand to make introductions.

“Kuroo Tetsurou, criminologist.”

The blonde was wary as he held out his hand, his head bowing once politely. His eyes were guarded, but Kuroo couldn’t help noticing the shimmering golden color behind the black frames or how his eyelashes were light enough that he actually could be a natural blonde.

“Tsukishima Kei. Computer hacker just trying to keep out of jail by switching sides.”

Kuroo threw his head back to laugh again, his stomach muscles in danger of aching despite his high level of fitness.

“Glad to know the name of my _doting husband_. Welcome to the team.”


	2. denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima just wants his best friend to stop digging into his obvious feelings, for his co-worker to stop being ridiculously attractive, and for his own gay tendencies to calm the fuck down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been forever but i've actually felt like writing recently so that's cool?
> 
> literally started this chapter immediately after the first one and just now finished it. whoops.
> 
> this isn't beta'd which is probably the dumbest idea on my part but you know what life is full of bad decisions and i make many of them so here we go.

“So…… Tsukishima.”

“Bokuto, don’t. We’ve been over this."

Bokuto flung his hands into the air dramatically, as if he’d never been more inconvenienced than by what Kuroo had just said. It really doesn’t suit a cop to be pouting so childishly, but that never seemed to stop him. “We _have_ been over this, but you’re lying! There is no way you can’t like him, not with how easy it is for you to compliment him and stuff!”

Kuroo shook his head in disagreement as Bokuto spoke, frustrated that people repeatedly asked him about this very topic. Couldn’t he be close to someone without it being assumed as romantic?

Even if there was literally every indication to those around him that it **was** romantic.

 Whatever.

They should take his word for it regardless.

“I obviously like the guy, he’s part of the team and an amazing friend. It’s not like he’s actually flirting with me, it’s just what we do. What we’ve always done.” He shrugged his shoulders, re-adjusting his hands on the wheel. They were finally on their way back to Tokyo after a successfully completed case, headed straight to the office to complete paperwork before they could finally go home for some shut eye.

But of course, when the choice came up of who would ride in each of the three cars they’d taken, Bokuto had jumped at the chance to get Kuroo alone and interrogate him over his (nonexistent) romantic life.

So much for completed cases meaning things would be peaceful.

“You just said he’s not actually flirting with you.”

Kuroo felt like his eyes would start twitching in annoyance any second now. This was getting into dangerous territory for him, and he didn’t need it, didn’t need _this._ They weren’t together, _so what_ , why did everyone feel it was their mission to make it so they were?

“I did, thank you for listening.”

Bokuto grinned, his lips parted smug and proud, as if he’d discovered something remarkable. A dangerous look on a dangerous, dangerous man. “You didn’t say anything about _your_ flirting being fake.”

Well, _shit._

Kuroo had no clue what part of his vocal chords were used to make the sound of a dying animal, but clearly something had to have produced the noise that emerged from his mouth. He just wanted to get home and go to bed. “Bokuto, please.” He wasn’t above begging to get back to a discussion about _literally_ _anything else._ He’d spent a long time in self-denial to get to this point, he’d like to stay the way he was, thank you.

“ **I knew it!** ” The volume of Bokuto’s voice caused Kuroo to wince, barely restraining the urge to let go of the wheel to cover his ears. The taller man clicked his tongue in annoyance, the road winding enough that he couldn’t risk to look away for even a moment to glare at his passenger.

“You know nothing. This never happened, I don’t like him, and if you bring this up again I’m blabbing every single thing you’ve ever gushed about regarding Akaashi while in my presence.” And he had a lot of ammo, considering how often the topic of the pathologist emerged.

The squawking noise was satisfying, even if Kuroo knew it wouldn’t stop Bokuto for long. He wasn’t that naïve, he could tell when someone just wouldn’t quit. Soon enough, there’d be people meddling into things and attempting to play matchmaker as if they didn’t have anything better to do.

Kuroo really didn’t need someone digging up his buried feelings, _especially_ when they were a mere half hour away from when he’d have to interact with the person they were for. 

 

* * *

 

“So… Kuroo-san is hot.”

If Tsukishima didn’t love his best friend dearly, he would currently be putting to use his unfortunately extensive experience with the many differing ways in which individuals could be murdered. Kuroo had been a constant topic since the day Yamaguchi had gotten to meet his co-worker and witness with his own eyes the outrageous way they interacted on a daily basis.

“Well I’m not sure how, considering he always neglects to wear clothing that is appropriate for the weather outside. I’m not sure he even owns a jacket that isn’t used as a futile attempt to look cool.” Maybe if he just diverted the conversation with blatantly obvious and purposeful misinterpretation… It’s not like Yamaguchi could see the hint of embarrassment blooming on his face while they talked over the phone, so hiding any of it in his voice was the only important factor.

“I literally watched you lick your lips when his shirt rode up last week and you saw his abs. Which are really unfairly defined and solid looking, just, _by the way_.”

Ah. Tsukishima remembered that little slip up. Though it stuck more in his memories because of him replaying the **cause** of the slip up in his mind’s eye, rather than the actual mistake itself.

It was seriously unfair to be so utterly homosexual and have such an off limits and simultaneously extraordinarily attractive co-worker.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about. My tongue is gone from constant years of biting it around idiotic people that I’m obligated to respect. Clearly that had to be someone else.” Tsukishima wasn’t going down without a fight. If he was stubborn long enough, Yamaguchi would drop the topic in sheer frustration. For a day at most, but he would still drop it and therefore buying Tsukishima more time to shove everything down further into the abyss. He had too much pride to admit how smitten he was for the dumb, kind, considerate, _beautiful_ ass-hat that was Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Funny. Can you please just stop **pretending** you don’t like him? I think I’m getting phantom blue balls in sympathy to your plight. That’s not even entering the whole ‘feelings’ part of this, because we both know you’d just hang up on me if I went there. I know a long time ago you told me to not get your hopes up, but _please for the love of god_. That man is so in love with yo-”

Tsukishima would apologize to Yamaguchi for hanging up on him later. The team was supposed to be back in twenty minutes and frankly he wasn’t prepared for having that internal struggle with the problem standing two feet from him.

If he ignored his shaking hands, the tremors would be gone by the time everyone walked into the building.

 

* * *

 

 Kuroo took a deep breath, purposefully keeping a slower gait than his coworkers to get some last few seconds to prepare himself.

It was the same as usual, just flirty comments and witty banter with a beautiful, brilliant man.

(A man who just happened to be the one of his dreams and one he wished he could hold at sleep at night.)

All of the team shuffled their exhausted bodies into the office as soon as they entered the chilly and overly modern government operated building. They’d been getting the minimal sleep needed to function for the past week and a half, and it was noticeably wearing on every single one of them. With those efforts they had stopped a serial murder case though, so there was still a lingering pride in their step, some happiness in that they did their job and saved everyone they could.

Kuroo got knowing looks from two of his coworkers when he jolted, surprised to see Tsukishima outside of the room containing all his computers and equipment.

Even more surprised to see the tall man was seated at _his_ desk, curled in on himself to allow his arms to fold on the desk and create a pillow for his head. He’d clearly meant to only rest his head for a moment, considering his glasses which were skewed on his face, and the rumpled creasing in his normally pristine dress shirt.

 _Also_ considering Tsukishima would rather be caught dead than be seen so utterly vulnerable. It seemed being a criminal hacker gave you a rather tough shell, but that made these moments all the better, when Kuroo was allowed a tiny peek at Tsukishima without his guard up.

The criminologist could clearly hear people snickering around him, mummers likely commenting on the adorable quality of the situation, how maybe they had finally gotten together. He rolled his eyes at them all, walking to his desk quietly as to not disturb the sleeping blonde.

Just because it _was_ frankly the most adorable thing he’d seen in years, doesn’t give them the right talk about it. He didn’t need the gossip in his life, not any more than it already was.

He gets it. He too, is a gossipy little bitch at times. But **at least** do it outside of his range of hearing.

He hesitated at his desk, considering reaching out to touch the man’s hair in a gentle gesture that could wake him slowly. But he changed his mind at the last moment, carefully pulling the hackers crooked glasses off with a grin before carefully placing them delicately on the bridge of his own nose.

He made sure to look only above the lenses. He didn’t need to hurt his own vision, he’d made that mistake once before and learn the hard way that Tsukishima’s eyesight was _very **very** _ poor.

And he knew he shouldn’t be considering doing what he was. He knew people were **already** talking, that everything he did was watched and would only increase the pressure from others. But he looked at the soft lashes creating shadows on the younger man’s cheeks and he decided he just didn’t give a fuck. 

 His hair was soft against Kuroo’s lips as he kissed the crown of his head, and he had never wanted to run his fingers through it more. Not even that time he’d neglected to get it cut for a few weeks, his hair becoming a mess of the fluffiest waves to ever be seen, could hold a candle to the utter compulsion Kuroo was currently feeling.

“Good morning, lovely.” He kept his voice low, and he found the low volume had it coming out raspier than intended.

The man’s head burrowed further into his arms in a futile attempt to escape waking. A groan was heard from the blonde before he lazily lifted his head, his eyes slowly blinking in confusion. The blinking continued, the sleep slowly fading from his eyes, but the confusion lingered. Eventually the blinking turned into squinting, an attempt to view his surroundings. Kuroo took pity on him, and leaned in so he could see his face more clearly.

“Good nap? You could have seriously broken these, you know?” Kuroo grinned, tapping the side of the frames with his pointer finger. “The case is over, and I _know_ you’ve already finished all the loose ends on your side. You should have just headed home.”

It took a while for the words to register in Tsukishima’s brain, but when they did he scoffed, holding a hand out for his spectacles. Kuroo took them off without a fight, handing them over before he went a bit _too_ far in irritating him.

“You are shit at paperwork. And you type like a pecking bird. I’m just here to make sure _everything_ gets finished. You know the former criminal on the team would be the first person they’d blame.”

Kuroo chuckled at the blonde’s tone, the man clearly not a morning person by the rough texture to his words and what could almost be considered slurring. “Always taking care of me, such a good husband.”

Tsukishima looked up at him with his glasses back in place, his expression unreadable before he made a noise of confirmation, pushing away and standing from his seat.

Kuroo wasn’t sure if seeing a newly woken Tsukishima was the best thing that’s happened, or if it’d screwed him royally.

**Author's Note:**

> apparently when people try and tell me that kurotsuki is immoral and horrible, that makes me just write fluffy cute shit for them even more  
> so who is winning now yall  
> who is winning now


End file.
